Possum bday cake
Possum bday cake
Brains and eggs and the cross
I’m not really comfortable eulogizing Hollie Stevens. She always valued her privacy more than most & I don’t wanna dishonor that so I will be short. She made me happy, I loved her & showed my devotion to her as best I knew how, & I feel so incredibly grateful for the amount of time we spent together these last several years & all the laughter. So grateful.
I’ve been improvising much more lately than I ever have in the past. Spending the last 2 months with little access to a piano, other than the hundred year-old out of tune missing keys, communal piano that I had a couple lovely evenings with; has left me feeling a little intimidated by some of the classical pieces I had been delving into when I left the west coast.
Anyways, since every time I try and play anything formal my brain fills up with angry spiders, I’ve taken to just using the piano as a means for emotional catharsis, intentional dissacociation and healing. Its hard to really remember what I’ve been playing enough to write the music down, but I do seem to retain certain patterns that I’ve found really fulfilling. Basically I just play rhythmic looping patterns until I’m in some sort of trance & then let my fingers play what feels good to my body. Unless I record it, I have little memory of it, other than the muscle memory of certain chord progressions. The muscle memory is really interesting, the connections I make in my brain. Like certain segments I play correlate directly in my mind to trying to get someone off with my fingers, the same rythmn & pressure, & it relaxes my entire body….hence I sometimes have the experience of engaging in some weird pseudo love affairs with pianos, I’m still developing my boundaries around this one.
In the next couple of weeks I hope to put some thoughts down so that people can kind of know where I’m at. I’ve been doing a lot of personal growth/work/healing lately and I am planning on making some really big changes in my life, already have really.
For the last 2 months I’ve been terrified to even open my computer, I purposefully spent the last 2 months camping somewhere with no cell reception & much of the time no electricity. This has been beyond good for my health, mental and physical. It’s given me a long time to sort through the layers of what my life has become and now the time has come for me to start executing some major changes in the way I live my life.
I’ll try and have some sort of lucid explanation soon enough.
Lots of love